Spiritual Empasis Week

              Spiritual Emphasis Week?  Oh, come on.  Boring.  These were my thoughts going into chapel on Monday morning.  Last year’s SEW was good, but it didn’t really hold my interest.  And I thought that this year would be the same.  Of course me thinking that this week was going to be boring was really only a cover up.  You see I knew what would happen this week.  Something would be said that would touch me.  Something would be spoken, or implied, that forced me to look at the sad state of my spiritual life.  Because the truth about my spiritual life since February is that I have been hiding from God.

                On Friday Andy talked about Jonah.  How he tried to hide from God, and how that didn’t really work out all that well for him, I mean come on, the inside of a whale can’t smell all that great.  When he talked about Jonah, it really made me think.  What in my spiritual life am I hiding from God?  Um, tough answer, how about all of me.

                Those of you who know me know that I have struggled since February one of my best friends was called home to be with the Lord.  Since then I have struggled with my identity in Christ.  I have known that God loves me, but at times I have questioned that God even existed.

                When Andy talked on Monday about “How do we know that there is a God?”, I felt very relieved.  I realized that I was not the only one who had ever questioned the existence of God, and then in class it was asked whether or not it was wrong to question God I felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from me.  I realized this week that God is okay with me asking questions.  He is big enough to handle all of my questions and more. 

                Something else that has really been brought into focus this week is how the church has changed.  God is okay with us asking questions, but the church is not.  The church doesn’t believe in the true power of God.  The power of God is able to withstand any question or issue.  But we in the church have made God into a weak thing.  In the mind of the church Christians are responsible for defending God, because he can’t defend himself.  In the eyes of the church God doesn’t really know best, we do.

                Which leads me to my next point, purity.  Purity is a difficult thing.  There are so many sides and faces of purity that it is hard to describe.  But it is possible.  Purity is love, and love is God.  That doesn’t make much sense, but if you really think about, it does.  The only pure thing that has ever been on this earth is Jesus.  Jesus faced all the temptations of the world, but he won out over them.  He was faced with lust, anger, hatred, and all of the other sins of the world, but he never gave in.  God is purity.

                I have always considered myself to have a “passion for purity” if you will.  But this week really brought some things into perspective.  How can I have a passion for, or even just have purity, with all of the garbage in my life.  The books I read, my thoughts, my actions, the music I listen to, the movies I watch;  all of these things impact me, and not all of them are pure.  In fact, none of them are pure.  I have always considered myself to be slightly ahead of the crowd in terms of purity.  I know, that sounds prideful, and it is, but that is what I have always thought.  Physical purity is wonderful.  Saving myself for my future husband is wonderful, but I am not pure.  I have had mean and bad thoughts, I have listened to things, and read things and watched things that I shouldn’t have.  So if I have done all of this, how can I be prideful enough to say that I am pure?

                The truth is, I can’t.  Andy said a lot of things that were very important.  And everything that he said has impacted me.  But I believe I learned the most this week through the application of his words, not just the words themselves.  But isn’t that always the case?  You can here words, but until you apply them, they are just words.  Actions speak louder than words.

                One more thing before I go.  Something I wrote in my notes during chapel.

“The world loves lust.  The world loves infatuation.  The world hates love.”

                A very broad statement, but I believe it is a true one.  Lust and infatuation are fun.  Ask anyone, anywhere if it is fun to be “human” and they will say yes.  If you ask anyone is it fun to be perfect they will say no.  And that is because we can’t grasp what love really is.  Love is patient, and kind, and perfect.  God is love, and he offers himself, his love to us.  Our job as humans, as followers of Christ, as Christians, is to work every day at accepting the love of God.  And yes, we have to work, because we as humans cannot grasp the awesome power, the wonderful majesty, the perfect righteousness of Jesus Christ, our Lord, Savior, Redeemer, and Lover.

You called me out of dark

You called me into light

But like an ending candle

My light has grown dim

Why do you love me?

Why do I not serve you the way I should?

Why do you love me?

Why? Why?  Why?

I’m in the dark and I hate it

But the light is painful

If I go to the light I will see me

Me is ugly, dirty, cold, unworthy

Unworthy of your love

So I shun it,

Yet I am desperate for it

Pride! Pride!  PRIDE!!!!

I hate it, yet it is me

My pride keeps me from returning to your love

My pride keeps me from the light

You called me out of dark

Your called me into light

But the foolish one that I am

I returned to the dark

My soul cries out

My heart pours forth

And.

Light

All around me

In me

Love

Surrounding me

Holding me

You forgive me

Prodigal though I am

You love me

The question is not will you forgive me if I leave the light again

The question is when will I leave the light of your love

And be forgiven once again